Thai food: all pictures made in Bangkog.

It’s not for no reason at all that Thai food is probably considered to be the best in the world. Those who don’t like it see things, rightfully, a different way. Those who go about things with their senses “open minded” so to say, will be delighted. I just cannot believe that there are actually people who visit Thailand and only eat hamburgers and schnitzel, but unfortunately this has to be seen as a fact. I myself have also sat in the beer garden down Soi 7 or in the “German Brauhaus” down Soi 11 and ordered a German meal, why not if one is craving for something like that? But whether that is always a good thing is anyone’s guess.
The ingredients, which are always fresh, are treated correctly in the Thai kitchen, this means not “cooked to death” but done properly, done meaning that the texture, aroma and goodness is retained. Food is mainly cooked in a wok, simmered or sautéed. Things are a lot easier with the Thais serving everything to fit the size of the mouth, small pieces cook faster. The ingredients of a meal are put together in a nutrition-technically and tastefully balanced manner. It doesn’t always have to be a huge piece of meat with the rest plonked around it as some sort of a side order.

The versatile way of preparing a meal and numerous interesting spices and herbs are all put to use in their own way… Everything around just fits perfectly, in fact in such a way that the best possible tastiness is drawn out of the meal.

I also find the sweet sour combination very interesting, something seldom produced in our kitchens. Unusual are the typical spices and herbs such as lemon grass and Thai-basil. I suppose that the list of all the things used here to give a meal that “Aha” experience never really ends.

Sometimes some meals are quite hot and spicy. On first eating Thai food (of course in Thailand, it doesn’t taste all that good here in Europe, well, I don’t think so anyway) I already had my own opinion, which was that it is hot and spicy and only troubles the tongue, in fact I thought that the hot and spicy bit just dominates the actual taste of it. This is all wrong of course such as I was to find out. Eating hot and spicy meals has become a part of my life and is a new experience, which I just wouldn’t like to miss any more.

Nowadays I sometimes copy the girls I saw during my first visit to Thailand, I saw them sitting at a table in Phuket making strange hissing noises. At the time I thought this was due to the horny effect I had on the girls, haha, but now I know it had to do with the food they were eating. I am absolutely certain it had to do with the omnipresent Som Tam, which can be very hot and spicy.

I have discovered something with the hot and spicy, which I would like to point out here. It has to do with “Pic”, the small extremely hot red and green chillies. And also “Sai Krock”, these are the fat and a bit sour tasting sausages from the Isaan. If I eat such a sausage without anything else at all or a side dish, then I feel full for the rest of the day with the taste making me feel queasy. If I eat one of these chillies on its own it will burn my tongue away. If I eat both together they seem to neutralise each other’s affect. So what do I do? I take a bite of sausage and at the same time shove a whole chilly into my gob; what an experience. The sausage doesn’t taste fatty and one can taste the chilly without it burning. This means that in between I am able to eat for example two Sai Krocks and 10 to 12 chillies. This is not hot at all or should I say not too hot.

It’s also possible to eat the sausage with a number of other things, I also know of the variation with ginger and/or garlic (whole cloves), also very delicious. Sometimes one is also given a portion of raw cabbage, fantastic!

Not a single holiday passes by without me getting to know a new dish and I take it that things will also remain this way with the variety of culinary experiences being extremely extensive.
 

So, the best thing to do is to try something new and if it doesn’t taste as nice as one expected then that’s no problem either because food here doesn’t cost all that much at all. Take a look at what the lady on the first picture conjured up for me – very delicious. I really haven’t got a clue what it is called, but I know it and will definitely order it again. The food stalls provide their meals in a plastic container, which allows one to take the meal to the next beer bar to be devoured.
 

Something else good and cheap that caught my attraction recently were the meals in Foodland down Soi 5. The place is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week. If one wants one can get food like its homemade but also Thai food, everything for just a few Baht. Of course at that price the place is always full. Even cheaper and even more typical is the restaurant down Pantip Plaza (that’s the computer, software and music sales temple). One has to purchase coupons at the till for about 100 Baht (make sure you can eat enough with the price of meals being so cheap) then place the order directly with one of the cooks. There is an unbelievably large choice of food and one is able to get ones money back for the coupons one has left over. 
 

There is a wide range of fruit on offer. A portion of “Teng Mo” (water melon) or “Saparot” (pineapple) costs 10 Baht. The fruit is a lot sweeter and more delicious than one can get at home. Freshly pressed orange juice (“Nam Som”) costs 25 Baht, a fresh cooled coconut (“Maprao”) costs 20 Baht.
 

The last photo was taken in Chinatown; the food looks a little different due to the influence of the Chinese. I personally don’t care much about crustaceans.

The Thai word „Koh“ means island. A trip out to sea is usually quite funny. One can get to Koh Larn from the Pattayan pier (at the end of Beach Road where the Walking Street starts). It only costs 20 Baht each. The departure times are displayed at the end of the pier (there is also an info stand). How long does the journey take? Haven’t got a clue, I have never made the trip this way. There is an alternative, one charters a speedboat (including skipper) for 1500 Baht (can be haggled down to about 1200) for the whole day. It’s cheaper if you share the costs with 1 or 2 mates. To increase the fun, take a few chicks along with you.

The crossing takes about 20 minutes. There are numerous beaches where you can let yourself be dropped off, unfortunately due to lack of time, I always ended up where everyone hangs out. There are deck chairs. Restaurants (rubbish and expensive, but all right for a quick bite to eat). You can go swimming in a cordoned off area, cordoned off to stop you being hit by one of the numerous water-skiers or boats. A nice quiet shag in the water is out of the question on this main beach. Once I managed to get my end away, but after 5 minutes I had had enough because of the constant alarms warning to watch out for boats, the alarms being given by those above who could see everything, It’s just not Phuket…

Got the traditional last ST of my holidays from the NANA. This one below was a real cracker. Met her on the day before last in the VODOO (NANA) Gogo, but she had her geezer from Stuttgart with her, pity. Agreed to a bit of ST the next day at short notice (last one of the holiday) The Farang checked out early the next evening and went off towards the airport. Here the corresponding extract from my diary:

Had 2 super parties in BKK, have written about one of them. Nights (about 3 in the morning) ordered a Thai massage in my hotel, 600 Baht, load of crap but she did a decent blow job – 1000. Then the 2^nd party on the last day. Got up at 11, finished something I wanted to do off quickly then off to Patpong. At 2 in the afternoon was sat in a taxi together with 3 hens, off to my hotel. They stared again in Playboy Hotel. Gave it rock all until 6 in the evening then packed my case and off to NANA for the ST appointment.

Oh man! What I experienced there again, I have always said, it’s a running game, if it’s not running very well, then it’s not running very well, if it’s running well then it’s running well. Hadn’t had that much of a good look at the girl in the poor light of the Gogo Bar, She had her LT Farang with her, (hello Stuttgart!!) she kept on groping about on me. At first only her teeth and face fascinated me, then I realised, she had a great figure. We met at 8.

She arrived at half 8, I’m telling you, what a little tigress! She had huge tits that felt really good (supposedly all genuine), her back side, I couldn’t believe it, so round, so beautiful, Oh man! And her waist, oh my God! They always say that Latinos have the better and more luscious figure, forget it. Her only minor faults are: She is already 25 (she says herself she is an old woman, but also thinks that young girls are no good, compared with her she was quite right). The second fault, the gut is going a bit (not that bad though), but apart from that it’s the first time I’m going to give the full 10 points. Her face, this wicked laugh, I thought, she’s a little devil, was right as well. What does my mate always say, “a devil recognises another by their gait”, how right!

She came straight up to me, a big hello. She had just got rid of her LT from Stuttgart. Told him that she didn’t want to accompany him to the airport, it would make her cry. The truth was she didn’t want to miss the appointment with me; he had given her 12000 for the 3 days, yeah well!

Drank a beer with her, she didn’t even bother to get changed; I paid the barfine. Beforehand I had made it clear where I wanted to shoot my load (right at the back of her tongue of course), she was a bit shocked at first. Hope the ST hotel is still in NANA, 3^rd floor. Shut, regards from Mr Taksin. We’re not going to let this bloke bugger things up for us. She asked the Mamasan, yes there is a possibility, I followed her outside, I’m quite eager to know where we’re going. We went up the left hand staircase to the second floor (meaning the one above the ground floor). From here, if one carries straight on, there is a staircase up to the third floor. At the moment on the left hand side of it there is some construction work being carried out. I can’t believe it, across the construction work over some dusty planks, past a cement mixer, up a further staircase. We have now reached the “reception”, a desk more or less slap bang in the middle of the construction work. 2 girls were sat there, I was handed the key and paid 300 Baht.

Off we go to the room. Everything is ok, towels, shower etc but primitive furnishing. We got undressed, God what a figure!! I told her to lie down on the bed and first of all completely licked her divine back side. That’s it. Then her fanny, by now she’s dripping like a gravel lorry. Her arsehole is so wide it’s no problem to push the index finger in as far as it will go, feels like a second fanny, second finger in the gap. She is really horny, just like myself, we give it all we’ve got. The whole thing was pleasurable for the both of us, had a few jokes, laughed a lot, we were just made for each other, everything fitted perfectly. We did all sorts of naughty thing, and as agreed upon beforehand, I shot my load on her stretched out tongue and in her face. Continuously took photos, she let me. After receiving the load in her mouth, she stayed for a while and sucked my vitamin-rich prick. Nice photos. 

We went to the bathroom, she washed her faced and subsequently had a pee. Or whatever you call it. She sits on the bog, I part her legs, hold a hand under. Remember? From Cuba, but this time without a sea urchin… She’s really up to scratch and is not inhibited. I wet her nipples with the hand and licked them clean, she liked that. Under the shower we talked about Germany (she’s visiting our area this month and said she wants to phone me, wonder if she does) and about the cost of things there, and the best way to bleed punters dry (I asked her why the bloke from Stuttgart didn’t send a bit of cash over each month, suggested a “sick mother”, she had to scream) etc.

I’m finished; the party at midnight was quite strenuous (just like in the good old days). Drank a couple more beers with her then with no time to spare back to the hotel, shower, checked out and off, life can be hard, but it was worth it. I was really lucky, normally doesn’t work out leaving things so late and by jumping in at the deep end. But this was great, gave her 2000 for the ST. Have never before, or since then, paid so much for a ST, but it was ok for her.

Couldn’t sort my thoughts out during the flight, too many, didn’t know where to start. The whole time I kept trying to sort them out, nice job for a lousy return flight to the heartless home country with a stopover in Kuwait lasting nearly five hours…

My last visit to Koh Samui was quite a while ago now. I followed my own advice and took a girl with me to the island. The shock of my first couple of visits still sits pretty deep. In Bangkok I phoned Noi, an old acquaintance from my days in Patpong. Currently she is not working in the Bar because her long time boyfriend from Ireland sends her money on a regular basis so that she doesn’t have to. This doesn’t keep her from hooking a Farang now and again; Money never does any damage, does it? The difference is, is that she can hand pick her punters because her rent has already been paid for, and the fridge is full. She is never bored and she definitely still has quite a bit of fun.

She was quite happy about my phone call, and after the first date I suggested that she accompanied me to the island, she delightfully agreed. A bit of a holiday and a change won’t do any harm at all…

I wasn’t to regret my decision, because, although the situation on Samui regarding the availability of hens had seemed to have improved over the past few years, I knew that with Noi I was on to a good thing. The name fitted her, Noi means small – just 40 kg, sweet, firm, girly tits, huge nipples, and more than likely the longest tongue in the world that she new how to use, just like her fingers, if you know what I mean… She licks and swallows everything, looks after me, does everything, is always on “standby” and always in a good mood. What more could one wish for? Her, rather too large for a Thai, nose seems to have come from her French grandfather. 

The one way ticket from Bangkok costs around 4000 Baht, the flight takes about an hour. The passenger list is mainly made up of young people. Back-packers, and a few young couples with kids of who we will meet a lot of on the island. BTW, I have never seen so many nice looking Farang women in Thailand as I have seen here, but who cares anyway, most of them are complainers, especially these.

A further topic. If one takes heed of the few basic rules, nothing can really go wrong: Number one: Never travel with a Tuk Tuk (those are the half open tricycles), not just because of the scourching heat and air that is apparent when stuck in a trafficjam, and also the type of weather for example when one is travelling through the rain in the stinking and loud vehicle which is open on three sides leaving one without much protection. And not just because you feel every hole in the road which really hurts ones back and when one is over 1 meter 70 tall and can’t see much of the town because ones head is just below the ceiling. Not because in case of an accident one has next to no portection at all. The thing is, the damn things don’t have a meter. For a BKK taxi driver who takes an unsuspecting Farang on a trip of maybe even 100 metres, this is an invitation to commit legal street robbery. If the price hasn’t been agreed upon beforehand, then a fantasy price will subsequently be named and have to be payed. Then it is ones own fault and will as I said, have to be paid, it won’t even be worth reporting it to the tourist police because there is nothin g one can do about it.

Maybe I’m being a bit unjust to one or the other Tuk Tuk driver, but most of them have specialised on tourists. Even when they take Thais with baggage up to the roof for the normal price, Farangs are ripped off, even if one agrees about the price but one doesn’t really know what the trip would have normally cost, the cards are stacked against one. One can roughly expect to pay four or five times as much as the trip would normally cost. Many Tuk Tuk drivers have specialised on providing tourists with guided tours to temples and other places of interest, and to lurk upon their victims. Or down the Sukhumvit Road, for example they like to stand on the corner of Soi 5 or 7, there where a great deal of Farang pass. Be alarmed straight away if they talk to you mainly with the words “Hello Sir! How are you today, sir?” or even “my friend”. “Where you go” is another popular thing, one is regularly offered to be taken to ones destination, of course for only 10 Baht.

On the journey there are a lot of excuses made and things tried on like, I have to fill up, or being dropped off at Chinese souvenir shops, or “massage sir? Veeeeery nice ladies sir” with the widest smile you have ever seen and a nicely laid out brochure of a massage parlour with lots of nice photos of the “artists” that work there. The 10 Baht are just a false pretence, these tricks serve to enable the driver to cash in on a commission because nobody, and I mean nobody gets anywhere for just 10 Baht. One also spends a lot of time being dragged around to place where one didn’t want to go to in the first place.

With a few restrictions, this also applies to the motorbike taxi. Especially the price: Always agree on a price beforehand: The journey from NANA to Patpong costs about 70 Baht on a bike. In a taxi with a meter the same stretch would have cost only 50 Baht, but the price is still correct. On a bike it is possible to save quite a bit of time because at certain times, one can spend an hour in a traffic jam on this short stretch. Don’t forget that it is a lot more dangerous on a motorbike (accident wise) than in a car. And those who know about the reports about what they do with accident victims in BKK, or should I maybe say what they DON’T do, should give it a good bit of thought beforehand. As an alternative to the heavy traffic, the SKY TRAIN comes into question, a future like train with magnetic suspension built by Siemens. It has its own carriageway above the streets of BKK. NANA to Patpong costs 25 Baht, air conditioning, clean, safe. One connection (ask at the counter or take a look at the timetable) and within 10 minutes at the latest you reach your destination. The sky train crosses the newly constructed subway a few times. Here a link to a nicely laid out page from BTS (all stations, prices and durations):

Sky train/BTS

Ok! What’s the best way to travel in BKK? It’s simple, just fish one of the numerous “taximeter” taxis out of the dense flowing traffic (they have the appropriate sign on top, can’t miss them) and let yourself be taken to your destination in an air conditioned atmosphere, and cheap as well. The taxis are mainly yellow – green or red/blue. The paint is the best thing about the whole car. Why fish out of the flowing traffic? The taxi drivers must in a way, somehow be closely related to the Tuk Tuk drivers mentioned above, They like to park in front of hotels, and when one leaves the hotel they rush up asking; “taxi sir?” Don’t hesitate to say no because one can bet ones bottom dollar that an extorting price will be named, or when entering the taxi, the meter is not switched on which, and as mentioned above will lead to a fantasy price.

By holding up ones hand one is able to fish one out of the traffic, taxis have a small red light at the front, if it is lit up it means that the taxi is free and will stop. Most of the taxi drivers can’t speak a word of English; some have never even had a Farang as a passenger before. There are not really that many of us in BKK at all. But the destination is understood. As soon as one has entered the nice cool taxi, one should make sure that the meter has been switched on, otherwise one should point to the clock and say “taximeter”. If you receive the stupid answer that it is broken, then one has most certainly met a trickster. One immediately tells the driver to stop and one leaves the taxi without saying a word and of course without paying. One looks out for the next taxi which more than likely will come to a halt just behind you. If the driver does decide that the meter works, then all is ok…

Taxi drivers don’t have it very easy in BKK, they rent the cars mainly for 12 hours at a fix rate, and they have to earn that first plus the petrol money. It’s not uncommon that the police want their share as well… Taxi drivers really love the cops. Some try to “earn” 100 -200 Baht extra each day, the minimum daily wage in Thailand is 180 Baht, that’s 4 – 5 USD. It’s not normal to give a tip and they aren’t expected, that doesn’t means that one has to wait for them to fork out the last 5 Baht change. The same applies to restaurants; Thais don’t normally give any more than a 10 Baht tip. By the way, it is extremely important before entering a taxi that one has loose change with them, That’s another well liked trick: the driver claims that he can’t change a 100 Baht note in the hope that the “rich” but stupid Farang will let him keep the rest as a tip. Just in case one has no small change then one will have to get some at the destination. It’s best to have a supply in ones pocket.