No, a big fat question mark should be entered after this headline. Both of the Gogo bars in Chaweng are only worth mentioning because there aren’t any others. One of the bars is called “Dream Girls”, the name promises a bit too much – one enters in a willing and pleasurable condition, and leaves in a pretty sober state of mind. Worn out furniture, one gets a bad back in the chairs. The girls give it all they have got… To cadge lady drinks and rip one off as much as they can.

Something else that’s worth mentioning, well that’s about it. One can have a bit of fun by buying a few ping pong balls for 20 Baht each, and then throw them in front of the dancing girls’ feet. 15 Baht for the girl, 5 for the bar. All these balls happen to be dented, done on purpose, so that they don’t really bounce around all that much, this would mean that the girls would have it a bit too strenuous when trying to collect them. The girls don’t really like it that the balls are thrown onto the stage, this means that they have to bend down. They like it a lot better if one puts them directly into their hand, so as to say, thanks a lot for dancing for me, and that I am allowed to watch you, here is a tip as well! That I pay the expensive prices because I am in a Gogo Bar, doesn’t matter.

Those who know the system with the ping pong balls from Pattaya or Bangkok, know how much fun one can have, that is, for what reason it is done. Fun for the paying guest, the signs are change around here, one turns oneself into a voluntary prat. The first evening I bought a few balls, and after I found out that I was barking up the wrong tree, I tipped the rest of the balls onto the floor for the waitresses.

This here was the icing on the cake: My mate forked out for one of the hens, paid the barfine for her. There were four of us out and about (him his hen mine hen and myself). We left the place pretty quickly and went down to the other Gogo Bar, a few metres further on, and as I now see on the photos, its called the “GB LOUNGE”, where just to mention on the side, I had drunk the worst Margarita I have ever had in my whole life, and I know what I am on about.

We ordered a bottle of the nice and tasty “Regency” Thai Whisky plus dilution, because we fancied a bit of a booze up. Now listen to this! After about a half an hour, my mate’s hen said that she had to go home soon because a baby in need of care was waiting for her. If he wanted a bit of “in and out”, then he should get a move on and look for a hotel room. Never heard of such a thing before, the (paid!!) whore giving the orders. My mate was shocked and did without her presentations. As far as I am concerned, I still cannot believe it, just without words, have never heard anything like it before in the whole wide world.

Another story from the GB LOUNGE: On this evening, my bit of stuff was quite willing, and prepared to try a threesome together with one of the dancers here. This one gave it all she had and distributed a round of French kisses. The small print in her contract brought the whole process to an abrupt end as far as I was concerned: 5000 Baht for short time… Haaaa Haaaa!!! I have never ever paid 5000 for a pro before in Thailand, and then for only ST, ludicrous.

There is one certain experience in the “Dream Girls“ that I don’t want to withhold. The extraordinary experience of the situation hat less with the bar itself to do, but more with the alcohol consume of my hen.

We had downed quite a few bevvies once again that evening, and it was getting a little late. Beforehand we had fallen through quite a few bars, Noi couldn’t get enough to drink that night and didn’t miss a chance to down one at all, but one should be able to take it. We were sat in the Gogo mentioned, right at the top in the back row. Next to us a couple of beginners who were being ripped of by a couple of crafty hens who were getting their moneys worth in the form of lady drinks. Noi was sat on my lap, Face to face, a kiss and such. Suddenly she started bobbing about.

Bobbing about on my stiffy, (just in case, sildenafil as always). I thought, man, what a great bloke I am, she’s going to come right through my jeans, just because I’m so strong and good looking. Then I realised the real reason for her shockwaves: She starts retching, holds her hand in front of her mouth, leans over to the side and pukes all over the couch. Fantastic!!! What the hell am I supposed to do now? She had puked a really big pizza sized cake on the red couch. OK, just leave the place and pretend that I had nothing to do with it, not much chance of that. I would have still had to carry her (later on I did as well), running off was for the same reason also out of the question, it’s a bit stupid with a girl hanging over ones shoulder.

So, what should I do: Wait until she has finished puking? After about 10 minutes (Funnily enough NOBODY had noticed, neither the dancing girls, the waitresses, nor the two prats with their hens had noticed a thing) I called a waitress and showed her, how ugly a thing like that can look. She didn’t seem to care, but of course didn’t seem to like it either. She changed her mind as I dragged around about 600 Baht out of my pocket, “Your want to give that for me…?” Yes of course, I’m very sorry, “No plomplem”, grabbed the cash and ran off to get a bucket of water, was back in 2 minutes with the water and a cloth to show me that she earned the money herself. She cleaned up the mess, wasn’t very happy but did a good job. This let me leave cleanly (there was still nobody interested in what had happened). I had Noi more or less jammed under my arm, then they all started looking at us, so what, I’ve paid.

Once outside, I haven’t got a clue how we made it the 200 metres back to the hotel. Motorbike taxi was no good because she would have most certainly fallen off; a taxi was stood there waiting for idiots, wanted 200 Baht for the few metres. Wasn’t much room for haggling but I took it anyway. At least Noi had puked everything up in the bars and left the taxi clean. On arrival at the hotel I discovered that I had no small change, just a 1000 Baht note! Doesn’t normally happen to me, I’m careful and know that the taxi drivers are always trying to rip one off (I can’t change). Not this one, he CAN! What a surprise. I would have even given him the 1000 – no other choice with my completely knackered out fiancée under my arm. But there are nice taxi drivers who are satisfied with 200 Baht for 200 metres…

On arrival at the hotel we set off towards the bungalow, sat her down on a stone and made it clear to her that she was not to go anywhere while I went to get the key from the reception hole. Wouldn’t have been necessary anyway, on return I found that she would NOT have been able to move anyway… I slung her over my shoulder, and carried her home, over the threshold just like someone newly in love… “Oh don’t do that…” She mumbled, nothing like a bride should be when being carried over the threshold.

I undressed her and laid her down in bed, put my bathing trunks on, took a couple of beers out of the fridge and a stodgy out of the box. Strolled off down to the beach and had a bit of a swim, naked, silver-moon, the atmosphere still a bit in the cellar. What the hell am I paying her for? Only had these sort of destructive thoughts for a short time, it crossed my mind that now and again I had been feeling pretty rough as well, so I went back up the beach to my beer for a drink. There I met a couple of security blokes and had a drink with them. It’s so nice to have such a hotel, next to the sea, and safe as well.

The next morning Noi cannot remember a single thing, but she paid the bill without a word of complaint, well, a bit of dirty this and that, hehehehehe………….

After this lovely story, just for a change a few really bad bad pictures from another bad bad evening out. The main part played by a talented, completely prick happy cock sucker. She knows the ropes and isn’t shy about anything. She used her tongue, finger and thumb, she will, likes and needs it like that, yeah, she is really harsh, and I like it harsh, look at the happy and satisfied look in her eyes…